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Coping with Depression in loved ones
If you provide most of the care for a loved one with depression, you might have a different role to other family members.
Have realistic expectations
Do not think you can 'cure' the depression or that the depression will vanish overnight. Making your loved one with depression laugh or smile for a moment or two does not mean that you alone can cure the problem. You must realise you're not perfect - no one can satisfy every possible need of someone who is ill, no matter how hard he or she tries.
Provide unconditional love and support
Although it's important to let your loved one with depression know that you're there to help, be prepared to step back if he or she is not ready to accept your help. It can be difficult to accept this rejection at first - especially with children - but it is important not to lay blame. Patience is usually rewarded, and the person with depression will gradually accept your help. Make it clear you want to work together as a team to overcome the depression.
Maintain your daily routine as much as possible
It is natural to focus attention on the person with depression. This can lead to carers neglecting their personal lives and stopping things they enjoy. Endeavour to meet your needs rather than neglecting them - this is being SELF-CARING not SELF-ISH. It will end up being best for everyone.
Talk about your feelings
Sharing feelings and concerns can be difficult, and depression can cause an air of mutual mistrust, anger and frustration which can intimidate everyone. However, don't be afraid to get the ball rolling and look for ways to solve the problem. And don't be surprised if negative - but completely normal - emotions come out. As a caregiver, you can learn to manage these negative emotions. For children, it's important to make it clear that you understand what they're going through, and that these feelings are normal for the situation and are allowed to be expressed.
Don't take things personally
Even the healthiest relationships can be strained by depression, with changes in interactions, financial status, daily routines and social life. Remind yourself regularly that your loved one's actions and symptoms are due to depression - they're not personal attacks against you. Make sure you keep an eye on 'the big picture'. Mixed feelings, especially 'confusion', are very common among people with depression, so recognise them and allow for them to exist for a while.
Allow yourself to get help when you need it
At times caregivers need to ask for help for themselves, whether from a support group, family members, friends or professionals. Also allow your loved one with depression to help you.
Work together as a team against the depression
Make sure your loved one knows he or she is not alone during this difficult time. Keep the lines of communication open and follow through when you agree to do something. Balance your needs with those of your loved one by being open, instead of working against one another.
Be proactive
Help the person's feelings of self-worth by maintaining your usual relationship as much as possible, talking through unwarranted negative thinking, encouraging efforts to improve and acknowledging that the person is suffering from a medical illness.
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