Interpersonal strategies Assertiveness
Assertiveness allows us to ask for what we want
in a clear, direct, yet respectful manner. This
does not come easily if you have been feeling depressed
or anxious. Behaving assertively can help to undo
the impact of negative thoughts on self-esteem.
It can be difficult and it won't always work - the
other person may be just as assertive in saying
"no". If this happens, accept it as a
practical demonstration of how you could refuse
requests in another situation, and then move on
to another topic.
Conflict resolution
Tension or unhappiness in important relationships
can contribute to anxiety and depression. These
problems can be difficult to address even at the
best of times.
Some simple steps can help provide a broader view.
These include:
admitting there is a problem
in an important relationship
writing down
the problem in specific, objective terms
listing how
you may have contributed to the problem
listing how
the other person may have contributed to the
problem
Simply thinking about it
in this way can be helpful even if you don't feel
ready to discuss your relationship. You can always
work up to this by talking it over first with someone
you trust, such as a friend or therapist.
When you are ready to approach the person concerned,
remember that it is not totally your responsibility
to resolve the problem. Remember, "it takes
two to tango". The best you can do is to:
describe the problem clearly
outline how
you are affected by it
point out
the behaviour that upsets you
highlight
how your own behaviour might have aggravated
the situation
express a
desire for positive change on both sides
express your
desire for a better relationship
Using "I" statements here can be a good
strategy: "I feel hurt/ angry/ sad when you…
I would feel better if instead you… I would
find it easier to be around you if…" How
other people respond is up to them, but at least
you will have tried and this will be good for your
self-esteem.
