| Social Anxiety |
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Changing the way you think
Step One: Identifying the way you think:
If you have social anxiety it is likely that you have developed ways of thinking about social situations that are unhelpful and often inaccurate. Social situations are difficult in the sense that they tend to be quite ambiguous - it's not as though we get an actual score out of 10 for our conversational skills!
People with social anxiety tend to misinterpret comments or facial expressions, believing that the other person is thinking negatively about them.
Mindreading is a common habit, where you assume that you know what others are thinking about you (e.g. "she can see I don't know enough about politics").
Personalising is also typical, where you assume that someone's behaviour or reaction is directly related to you (e.g. "he looks bored - I should never have organised the dinner").
By now your thinking has probably become automatic, so that you may not be as aware of exactly what thoughts are going through your mind when you are anxious. Think about a recent anxiety-provoking situation. What sorts of concerns do you have when you think about (e.g.) giving a presentation at university, or expressing your opinion in a group discussion? What sorts of things go through your mind? Write down all these negative thoughts.
Step Two: Challenging your negative thoughts:
Having listed some of your main concerns, you can start to critically evaluate them by asking yourself questions such as:
Is there another way of thinking about this situation?
Is it possible I have misinterpreted things?
What objective evidence is there that other people have noticed my anxiety?
What real evidence is there that other people think I am stupid or boring? Am I mindreading?
How likely is it that no-one at all will talk to me at the party?
How likely is it that my signature will be rejected because of my shaking (How many times has this actually happened)?
How much would it really matter if someone did know how I was feeling?
Would it be the "end of the world"?
Am I taking things too personally?
Did things really go that badly or did I just feel bad (anxious)?
Step 3: Putting it all together:
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Situation
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Negative Thoughts
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Alternative Thoughts
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Drinking coffee in front of workmates at a work function
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I can't cope with this - I feel so anxious
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I've felt anxious in other situations and still got
through - I will cope. I'll try to concentrate on what people are
saying, rather than just on how I'm feeling.
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My hands will shake and I'll spill the drink
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Even when I've felt anxious in the past in these
sorts of situations, I usually don't spill my drink.
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They can see how anxious I am
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What real evidence do I have that they've noticed my anxiety?
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They'll think I'm weird for being anxious
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Even if they did notice my anxiety, they'd probably
just think I was a bit stressed. I'm probably mindreading.
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They'll question my ability to do my job
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No actual evidence for this. Actually, I have
evidence that I have been able to do my job in spite of my anxiety.
Assessment of work performance is usually based on many areas.
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